Belarus is waiting for Depeche Mode

Overnight train from Minsk, Minskaya Voblastsʼ, Belarus

28 July 2013

After the thud, thud, thud of last night’s wedding disco which did finish as promised (when I went to complain about the noise to reception – I was being a very grumpy old man) I then hear the staff clearing away the tables. Dragging them along the floor the reverberations are felt upstairs and it sounds like a pod of whales drifting by with their underwater sounds. After getting on for 11hrs sleep I find somewhere for brunch as breakfast finished hours ago. Nice little tapas bar next door to hotel with a verandah so enjoy sitting out. There’s a chilled out feel to Minsk. It’s all rather relaxing. Loving Minsk. As it’s Sunday everywhere is shut so walk along the wide boulevards to Maxim Gorky Park. Through the large stone entrance pillars, there’s a stage. With loud music and a girl with microphone. On the floor in front are about a hundred twentysomething girls doing dance aerobics. It’s all rather too hot for that and a lot of sweaty bodies gyrate to the music and the instructions being shouted out by the teacher. A few yards away are Segways to hire for 5, 10, 15, 30, 60 minutes. Not been on one since a tour of Tallinn some years ago so ask for a 15min hire but when told I can only go to about 20m away around a flower bed I downgrade to 5mins. Not sure anyone would want to spend 60mins Segwaying around a flower bed. Find fairground rides further on. Everyone having fun. So chilled out and relaxing. Artist drawing an attractive young girl’s face and she laughs as she sees me taking a photo of her with sketch in foreground without the artist knowing. Another stall has rabbits, parrot, snake you can hold for a photo. The parrot strutting on its perch like a cheap tart to attract the stroller with the nut (which is about the only line I remember from a poem I did for ‘O’ level English Lit – Jaguar by Ted Hughes – oh yes, I’m ejukated and evryfink). A snake is wrapped around a young girl’s neck who nonchalantly toys with it as if it were a silk scarf. I steer clear. An old lady with a cup of coffee sitting on a park bench selling knitted woollen hats. I take her photo and show her the image. Her face lights up as she recognises a beauty from another century and says, “Ok….OK…” smiling and giggling like the teenage girl she once was. A fisherman treading the fine line between a hobby and a mental illness. Return to the main gates and the dance aerobics have given way to more sedate yoga. Young ladies doing strange stretching things with legs and arms. That’s got to hurt. Short hop to Victory Square in the middle of the main wide boulevard. The eternal flame barely visible in the sharp light of day. A solitary wreath surrounded by flowers on the main front. On the sides more flowers. Two roses. Two memories. Stay in the shade as I walk the back streets and feeling dehydrated so search for a shop that sells water. It’s a long search and after two attempts at doing an impression of drinking a bottle and going glug, glug, glug my only surprise is that it’s not a bar. Head down to the river for some shade and check out the F1 Grand Prix on phone. Lewis won! Also receive an email from the Nile cruise confirming the cruise is cancelled. Surprise, surprise. Equally surprised that they’ve transferred our booking to another cruise ship…..which allegedly is sailing. It actually looks better so a free upgrade…..if Egypt is a goer that is. Final decision when in Jordan in a few weeks. As I head back I walk past Minsk’s top hotel and see a crowd with cameras. It’s the same hotel I’d popped into this morning for a quick nosey to see the lobby atrium. There’s something going down. I investigate. Am told it’s Depeche Mode arriving, like right now. And they do, literally, as I’m told this. Except their black SUVs whizz down into the basement garage leaving the 50 or so fans bitterly disappointed. One has a homemade placard saying “Belarus is waiting for Depeche Mode” – she smiles for the camera. Hmm. I have a cunning plan. I remember the atrium has glass elevators and they’ll have to come up them from the garage. Walk in to hotel and only allowed in by security as I’m normal looking (no comments, please) and clearly not an obsessed fan. Order a cappuccino and sit in comfy lobby chair facing the scenic lifts. Sure enough, Depeche Mode ascend. The lead singer looks at me and I look at him thinking to myself Marc Almond’s aged a bit and singing the tune to Tainted Love in my head. Except, I’m confused. It’s not Marc Almond and they didn’t sing Tainted Love…..that was Soft Cell….as I read on my Google search. I’d be no good on Ken Bruce’s Popmaster Quiz. As Depeche Mode look out of the lift a press photographer who has made it in to the lobby is trying to take telephoto images but is robustly (very) denied by hotel security who slap him about a bit. My camera discreetly slides back into its holder and I take a sip of cappuccino. Late check out at hotel as train departs at 2120hrs. Dinner in the restaurant up the road only to find Depeche Mode and entourage also walking in for dinner. They’ve obviously heard I’m in town and are following me. Just can’t get enough. At the station I’ve managed to work out the Cyrhillic departure board and that my train departs platform 17. Except I don’t know how to get to platform 17. There’s a lot of smart looking men and women milling about both inside and out. All in dark suits. They’re blending in about as well as I am and are clearly KGB. I stride up to one and asks if he speaks English. A little. He looks at my ticket and the departure board and tells me what I’ve already established. Platform 17. Yes, I know that but where is platform 17? He calls out to another man in black who comes over. They’re both struggling with this conundrum. An attractive woman in black joins us. I’ve now got three KGB assisting in the small matter of finding platform 17. Attractive woman knows and shows me where to go. I ask why all the security. They laugh and tell me it’s meant to be a secret. Well obviously not that secret as they would’ve blended in a tad better. Joke with them that they can tell me, I’m British and will be in Kiev tomorrow. He laughs and is sort of wanting to tell me but daren’t. All they say is that it’s a soldier. I probe further and understand it’s an important Belarussian soldier……but that could be a cunning red herring.