Author Archives: admin

183. At the hospital

Sunday, 23 June 2019

Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada

 

Just before midnight the texts started coming in.

From Miss Vancouver. In France. Her Dad has been admitted to hospital with chest pains.

Needs to have his heart reset.

Agree that I’ll go in the morning to the hospital to check up on progress.

Decide it will certainly be easier and probably just as much to hire a car for the day rather than dicking around with taxis to the hospital and nursing home. Am envisaging a bit of to-ing and fro-ing. After a quick bit of negotiation with the hotel car hire company, have the only car available for the day. A 7 seat Dodge minivan.

Arrive at the hospital, pay the exorbitant car park charge and go and check up on Mr Vancouver. To be told that he was discharged last night. He’s now back in the nursing home.

Off I go.

Had his heart reset last night around midnight and they sent him back soon after.

As he dryly remarks, “Tell her [Miss Vancouver] that I’m still above ground.”

At least I know how to get out of the nursing home now.

182. Locked in

Saturday, 22 June 2019

Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada

 

Overcast.

Not such sunshine on the Sunshine Coast today.

Just as well. Returning to Vancouver.

The greyness isn’t enhanced when I accidentally smash one of the villa’s mugs. All over the floor. They say such things come in threes. Today is no exception. Twenty minutes later as I’m clearing up accidentally knock a bottle of beer on the floor. With the rubbish bag that contains the broken mug. It’s going to be one of those days. Beer and green glass everywhere.

Sod it.

That’s two out of the three in twenty minutes. Just waiting for the third. It comes soon enough. Don’t worry. Accidentally knock the wing mirror on the garage post.

Sod it.

Three things.

Thirty minutes.

At least I don’t have to spend the day wondering what will be next.

Back the way I came to the ferry terminal but as have half an hour in hand, drive through Gibsons Landing. A jazz festival is under way. Roads are cordoned off. Speak with a marshal directing traffic.

Notice a strange accent. He’s from Hartlepool.

A monkey hanger then.

Bit of time spare this afternoon, so would like to go and see Mr & Mrs Vancouver, Miss Vancouver’s parents. Family friends that used to live in our village up until they left Blighty for Vancouver in the 1970s. Mr & Mrs Vancouver are of advancing years and now reside in an old folk’s home. Went to see them a few weeks ago upon our return from Hornby Island. However. I’ve forgotten where the nursing home is. Have sent Miss Vancouver a text but due to time difference, not had a reply. Drive to her apartment to see if I can retrace the route.

Nope. Memory is blank.

Search Google Maps for half an hour looking at all the nursing home locations that come up in the locality.

Nope. For the life of me can’t find it.

Sod it.

Would like to see them one last time before I leave. Sadly, it may be the last time I will ever see them.

Having given up the search, drive back to the airport to drop hire car off. As I approach the airport environs, Miss Vancouver texts the address.

Quick turnaround and back the way I came.

Surprised and delighted as I turn up in the home, as they thought they’d never see me again too. To enter the home from the street, you need to input a door access code. Which is printed on the outside so anyone can get in. Spend an hour with them but am unnerved by the resident psycho who thinks I’m her son and is clearly getting a bit anxious that I’m spending time with ‘other people’.

Not done nursing homes for twenty odd years now that my grandparents have died. Forgotten how bad they were. Remember when I used to visit my own grandmother in the local nursing home and another old lady, unrelated to me, used to keep coming up and hugging me, telling everyone that I was her grandson.

Time to leave as I need to return the hire car.

Yep. Time to leave.

Just open the door and walk out.

Ho. Ho. Ho.

Now that the residents have had their dinner, they’ve all been put back into their rooms and the whole ground floor of the nursing home is now in lockdown with all doors to various sections electronically locked.

Not a problem. Just open the front door and I’ll be on my way.

Nope.

There’s an access code to exit the building.

To stop residents escaping. I know this is possible as my grandmother made her own bid for freedom. Which resulted in being admitted to hospital.

Now, obviously, the staff wouldn’t be stupid enough to give the residents the access code. But Mr & Mrs Vancouver tell me it’s 1-2-3-4. Hmm. Tap it in. Followed by star. Nope. Try again. Nope. They try 1-2-3-4-5-6-*. Nope. Keep trying. 1-2-3-4 is not unreasonable as that was the access code the staff gave me to enter the back garden earlier. Keep trying. Until the system decides to go into its own mini lockdown because of so many failed attempts.

Sod it.

Locked it good and proper now. There’s obviously a fail safe break glass unit to exit in an emergency. But this is not quite an emergency.

Yet.

Need to find a staff member. But they are all administering post dinner drugs in various sections to which all access doors are now locked.

Sod it.

Try 1-2-3-4-* on one of the section doors. Click. Unlocks. Yay.

Find a nurse.

Tells me the front door code is 9-5-8-0-*. Yay.

Back to the main entrance lobby. But need to exit this section. 1-2-3-4-* doesn’t sodding work. Try again. Nope. Now locked in deeper and deeper into the depths of the nursing home. Mr & Mrs Vancouver now alone in the front lobby section.

Call the nurse.

She taps in 1-2-3-4-*. Click. Unlocks.

What?!

Hang on. It didn’t work for me. Flipping thing.

Back in the front lobby section with Mr & Mrs Vancouver.

Tap in 9-5-8-0-*.

Nope.

Not working.

Sod it.

Try again.

Slowwlllyy.

And.

Geeennnttllyy.

Ta da.

Click.

Unlocks.

Phew.

Mr & Mrs Vancouver now know the exit code.

Can see them plotting their escape as we say a final goodbye. They’ve got that glint in their eyes.

After finally dropping off the hire car, it’s a taxi back to the Pan Pacific Hotel (https://www.panpacific.com/en/hotels-and-resorts/pp-vancouver.html). Taxi driver, of Middle Eastern origin, is told ‘Pan Pacific’. Off we go. He knows where it is. So do I.

Taxi driver eventually pulls up outside a hotel. Not my hotel. He’s taken me to the Pacific Rim hotel. Another hotel. Muppet. He’s taken me to the wrong hotel. I’m not that bothered. It’s a flat rate anywhere in Downtown. His loss.

Another excellent Indian curry at Salam Bombay. Been here a few times now over the past month. It’s now at the stage where I walk in and don’t need to order. They just know what I want.

Walking back after dinner, see that there’s a jazz festival on in town. For some inexplicable reason, there’s a group of rappers performing on stage, as part of the jazz festival. The pair of old black socks I’m wearing are more jazzy than this rabble, as you will hear from the video below.

Bloody racket.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

181. Walking on Sunshine

Friday, 21 June 2019

Madeira Park, British Columbia, Canada

 

Brilliant view from the villa whilst enjoying a breakfast brew.

This is the life.

So very lucky.

Bit of a lazy morning. All this relaxing and chilled out vibe is taking its toll. Significant lack of oomph.

At the northern end of the Sunshine Coast is Egmont and the Skookumchook Narrows. Each day as the tide ebbs and flows, 200 billion gallons of water is forced through a very narrow point of the inlet causing whirlpools and rapids. It’s unfortunate that time is not on my side as it’s a 1hr hike to the rapids through a dense forest. And have a boat to catch later.

Instead, a very nice lunch in Egmont looking out over the wider part of the inlet. I know I keep banging on about how nice the scenery is. But. It. Is. Stunning.

Right. The boat in question is a 90 minute cruise around Pender Harbour. Only three of us on it for the tour so plenty of space to stretch out and admire the view. Pender Harbour is a series of inlets and coves feeding into a larger inlet which itself feeds into the Straits of Georgia. For those that know and have been to the Kingsbridge/Salcombe or Dart estuaries in Devon, it’s very much like that. All along the waterfront are large houses. Most of which have their own private boat mooring and boat house. This is where the money is. Local gossip has it that Oprah Winfrey has a place here. Yep. That sort of money. It really does remind me of Salcombe. But not as busy.

Local laws dictate that you can’t build on the intertidal stretch of coast line. But if you are fortunate enough to own an old netting shed, which are built in the intertidal part, then you can only refurbish it as the structure must remain as is. It’s also very ‘des res’.

A very pleasant way to spend an afternoon.

Sky is bright blue.

I’m walking on sunshine.

And don’t it feel good.

Note to self.

Buy a waterfront property.

Buy a boat.

Don’t retire just yet.

180. The Smurfs

Thursday, 20 June 2019

Madeira Park, British Columbia, Canada

 

Two options for today.

Go north to Kamloops in the interior and drive in a loop back to Vancouver over the next few days.

Or.

Drive to the Sunshine Coast. As Miss Vancouver recommended.

Grateful to old friend’s (as in longevity) little sister for also suggesting Sunshine Coast. And her time in looking up these things. Thank you Bloss.

Sunshine Coast it is.

Off we go.

You’re probably wondering, dear reader, where the Sunshine Coast is. Google it. Go on. Do some work.

Pootling back along the Sea to Sky Highway, which I suppose is now the Sky to Sea Highway. Some urgency in this morning’s drive as a ferry needs to be caught.

Fortunately arrive at Horseshoe Bay in time. In need of lunch, the only option is a vegan, hippy shack selling anything but a bacon buttie. It’s all humous and vegetables. None of these vegans look very healthy and happy do they.

Forty minute cruise across an inlet of the Straits of Georgia to Langdale. As soon as you land, you can immediately tell there’s a different vibe here. Like Hornby Island, the Sunshine Coast is a chilled out place with plenty of laid back people. Think Dylan from the Magic Roundabout.

Still on the mainland but only accessible by boat, this 50 mile stretch of coast line, from Langdale to Egmont, is the Sunshine Coast.

And gloriously sunny it is too.

The only main road closely follows the coast line and every so often are side roads leading down to small hamlets with names like Smugglers Cove, Secret Cove and Halfmoon Bay. Half expect the Famous Five to come bounding around the corner.

With lashings of ginger beer.

It’s that sort of place.

Peaceful. Relaxed. Scenic.

Very pleasant afternoon drive exploring hidden coves and beaches. One such foray results in an ice cream on the beach. Saddens me to think that this time next week, it’ll all be over. Really don’t want this trip to end. Having the time of my life.

Laugh somewhat when I see a road sign warning of deer. Which has been doctored. See photo below.

One thing that does strike me is that at every bus stop is a chair or two. Either a cheapo white plastic one or a wooden affair. It’s that sort of place that people would put chairs out to sit and wait for a bus.

Slowly wending my way up the coast, arrive at The Painted Boat Resort (https://paintedboat.com/). Only booked it last minute and no time for detailed research. So don’t fully understand what I’ve booked.

Oh my.

Assumed it was a bog standard type hotel suite.

Oh no.

This is a two bedroom villa on the waterfront. With a big outdoor deck.

This isn’t a hotel room.

This is a home.

Give myself a pat on the back. Have struck gold.

Seems a shame to waste the view and the warmth of the sun by sitting in a restaurant for dinner. So it’s home made dinner al fresco on the deck. After a bit of local shopping.

This is the life.

This is most pleasant.

This will do very nicely.

Well done Miss Vancouver and Old Friend’s Little Sis.

Such a nice evening that a post prandial perambulation perhaps required down on the floating boat moorings belonging to the resort. Gaggle of people gathering on the gangway. All are in lightweight blue brushed cotton pyjamas. With a white rope tied around their waists. Nothing else. And I mean nothing else. Men and women. Their attire doesn’t leave a lot to the imagination.

They’re a white hat away from being a Smurf.

Curiosity gets the better of me. Papa Smurf introduces himself as he’s a fellow Brit. From London. They’ve been here all week on a training course.

Meditating.

179. Whistling in Whistler

Wednesday, 19 June 2019

Whistler, British Columbia, Canada

 

Staggeringly beautiful view of a bright and sparkly harbour from my room as I open the curtains.

This is the life.

Pick the hire car up from the airport and given a free upgrade. Yep. There’s upgrades and then there’s upgrades. Given a 5.7 litre Dodge Ram 1500. Again. Except this is a higher spec than the one I had in Alaska. This has a panoramic sliding roof. And all the gadgets. It’s a beast of a car. Which I shall enjoy driving very much.

Still don’t know where I’m going or what I’m doing over the next few days. Busking it a bit. What I do know is that I’m going to Whistler. The site of the 2010 Winter Olympics. Stunning scenery yet again as I drive merrily along the Sea to Sky Highway. Like Toad of Toad Hall, in my big, bright blue, beast of a car. Horses aren’t spared.

Last went to Whistler whilst whiling away a few days with Miss Vancouver in 1999, 20 years ago. Much more developed now, especially with the Olympics taking place. Having not booked a hotel yet, sit in a public car park upon arrival in Whistler, choosing a suitable hotel on my phone app and then go and check in at the Crystal Lodge (https://www.crystal-lodge.com/). There’s last minute and then there’s last minute. The wonders of modern technology. When I first started travelling in the late 1980s, one had to write to the hotel and enquire about availability. Not now.

Told to take the cable car up to Whistler, cross the valley on a 4.5km cable car to the other mountain, Blackcomb, then return down on the Blackcomb cable car. Very windy at the cable car station, at about 6,000ft altitude, enough to make the cable car swing a bit too close for comfort towards the support pylons.

Given how windy it is, surprised that the Peak to Peak cable car running between the two mountains is still running. Two queues form. One for a normal car and one for what is advertised as a ‘glass bottomed’ car. Having a head for heights, wait about 30 minutes for one of the two ‘glass bottomed’ cars to appear. Somewhat disappointed to discover that the ‘glass bottom’ is actually a small piece of glass that is cordoned off by a barrier so you can’t actually stand on the ‘glass bottomed’ floor or actually see much through it as it’s covered in cack.

Not much to see at either Whistler or Blackcomb as snow has still closed many of the trails and, unlike Mount Titlis in Switzerland, there’s not a great deal of activities to do other than ski or hike. Soon on the cable car going car down.

Told to be on the look out for bears on Blackcomb mountain.

Didn’t see one bear.

Nope.

Saw two.

Both just off a hiking trail and a reminder that you could come across a bear on your hike. Not only do you have to be beware of the bear.

Also warned of cougars.

The animal.

Not an ageing woman.

178. It’s electric and goes 30km/hr

Tuesday, 18 June 2019

Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada

 

Had only booked two nights in Vancouver upon disembarking cruise ship, merely as a day spare to plan ahead. Thought it wouldn’t be a problem to extend my stay in the Pan Pacific. It was only late yesterday evening that I finalised my plans for the last 10 days of the trip. Necessitates staying an extra night in Vancouver.

Except.

The Pan Pacific is sold out tonight.

So.

Have to move hotels.

For one night only.

Fortunately, there’s a room at the inn across the road. The Fairmont Pacific Rim (https://www.fairmont.com/pacific-rim-vancouver/) also, thankfully, has harbour and mountain view rooms. But from a slightly different angle to that which I have been used to.

Had a brief pause in my mammoth catch up on admin day. Decided I needed some fresh air and a bit of exercise after lunch so was going to go for a walk in Stanley Park. But then saw some electric bikes in the hotel lobby. Bike guy said they were electric and you could get up to 30km/hr on them. So, dear reader, I naturally assumed the battery propelled the bikes and all I had to do was sit on it and do nothing.

Nice leisurely ride coasting around Stanley Park, I thought.

Only after a few blocks do I realise that I actually have to cycle and the battery only acts as a booster.

Whoever said cycling was nice, was wrong. It’s like sitting on a razor blade.

After an hour, back in room, knackered with a sore bum!

I am not designed for bikes.

177. Joseph isn’t it?

Monday, 17 June 2019

Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada

 

Really exciting day of doing nothing, dear reader. Today is a day of catching up on admin and emails. And planning the next few days.

Have a cracking view from hotel room overlooking the harbour and the mountains. The cruise ship below my window is a Disney ship. All I can hear all day is sodding Disney music permeating the air.

Walking back from dinner, see a shop selling Cuban Cigars. Hmmm. Not immune to the odd Cuban once in a while, pop in to have a look.

Shop owner is an Arab. With a limp. He greets me with, “Welcome back, Joseph isn’t it?”

Not called Joseph.

Never been in the shop before.

Don’t know him from Adam.

Accepting that he’s not the full shilling, agree that I am, indeed, Joseph.

After a Cohiba Siglo VI cigar.

Yes, my friend, we have. Here you are. As he pulls out a cigar from a box.

As soon as I walked in the shop, immediately suspicious that this is not a pukka cigar shop.

James J Fox Cigars (my usual haunt) on St James’s Street, London, this is not.

This is a grubby little newsagent kiosk type shop. The sort one might find in the Maid Marian Way/Friar Lane underpass in Nottingham of old. You know the one. That little shack.

Lots of old folk from Nottingham are reading this remembering how it used to be.

Handed what he says is a Cohiba Siglo VI. Having educated myself on legitimate Cohiba cigars and dodgy knock offs, can immediately tell it’s a dodgy knock off. All to do with the paper band wrapped around the cigar. Cohiba bands are top quality and there are tell tale signs to look out for. This cigar’s band is dreadful, blurred and blotted. Could do a better forgery with my 1970s John Bull printing set.

Arab is told it’s knock off. He’s adamant it’s not.

An argument ensues. Seeing that he’s losing the argument, he then tries to sell me some property.

I kid you not.

He obviously still thinks I’m his friend Joseph.

176. Au revoir Alaska

Sunday, 16 June, 2019

Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada

 

Really don’t want to disembark the ship. Has been an amazing week. Am quite taken with this cruising malarkey so if you have any cruise recommendations, please do let me know.

It’s also the end of the Alaska segment of the trip. Very sad. Five weeks I’ve spent in Alaska and it has flown by. Thoroughly enjoyable. One of my favourite US states.

Au revoir Alaska.

Quick waltz around the ship for a final time. You can get an idea of the facilities from the photos below.

Disembarkation is a breeze. Was expecting hours of immigration queues again to enter Canada. But no. Off ship and in hotel in five minutes. Canada security entails taking a customs declaration form off you and that’s it.

Return to the Pan Pacific Hotel (https://www.panpacific.com/en/hotels-and-resorts/pp-vancouver.html) above the cruise terminal. Has to be a harbour view room. No point paying for a city view to get a view of another tower block across the road when you can have the most amazing view from your bed across the harbour to the snow capped mountains.

175. Abracadabra

Saturday, 15 June 2019

Inside Passage, British Columbia, Canada

 

Another full day at sea. But a busy one. Plenty of entertainment on board to amuse.

Being involved with theatre (primarily as an amateur lighting designer), thought it would be interesting to ‘Meet the Cast & Crew’ of the ship’s theatre. Very little ‘meet the crew’ sadly, as would have loved to have a tour of their sound and lighting technical room. Instead, it’s just a line up of the dancers and singers. Many a friend of Dorothy amongst the male dancers and singers. After 45 minutes of Q&A, given a backstage tour. Oh good, something interesting at last. Except, it’s not really a backstage tour. Not allowed on stage. The wings are out of bounds. No. It’s just a walk down the back passage to the changing rooms. The male dancers like going up and down the back passage. Everywhere is painted white steel. No soft furnishings here. The dancers get bored apparently. Only have to perform two shows for an hour each week and that’s it. Nothing else to do. They’re glad they’re on a Holland America ship though, as they are allowed to wander about the public areas and use the passenger facilities. Not the case on some other ships apparently, where you’re confined to crew quarters only.

The biggest audience is reserved for the ‘Ask the Captain’ session. He’s a middle aged Dutchman with a very dry sense of humour. Very funny. Really interesting to learn how they navigate, basically a sat-nav like you get in your car, and how they dock. Three booster propellers each side of the bow and the two main propellers at the stern are azimuth types. They negate the need for a rudder as they can rotate 360 degrees.

Yet another highlight of the day is a special matinee show put on by the magician, James Cielen. Has a camera rigged up over a card table so all can see the close up card tricks and other things. It’s so impressive. It is of course, a set up to sell lots of his magic kits, available after the show. All the tricks he demonstrates are in the magic kit and he guarantees that anyone buying the kit will be able to do his ‘magic’.

Well, dear reader, so impressed was I, that I succumbed to the sales pitch. Yes, I shall be impressing dinner party guests, nieces, godchildren and anyone else who crosses my path.

For. I. Am. A. Magician. Now.

A bit of hocus pocus.

Never mind hocus said the actress to the Bishop.

Like a kid at Christmas, I rush back to cabin, magic kit under arm. This is it. Takes an hour to master most of the tricks.

Paul Daniels that I am.

Now that’s magic.

Not a lot.

Easy when you know how.

Be prepared to be impressed folks upon my return.

The ‘variety’ evening show is a mix of the pianist and the magician. Both, once again, are excellent.

I can imagine myself in a few years doing my own one man show.

Bit of piano playing.

Bit of magic.

Ah yes.

Retirement plan.

Yet another awesome day finishes with an impressive moonrise above the Inside Passage as we follow an illuminated cruise ship (see photo below).

174. Hovering about

Friday, 14 June 2019

Ketchikan, Alaska, USA

 

The most amazing sight as I sit out on deck in the glorious sunshine having breakfast of coffee and Swiss muesli, another Holland America thing I’ve become addicted to.

Yes, dear reader, it’s actually hot enough to sit outside. Gone are the low, grey clouds, rain and coldness that pervaded the Inside Passage further north. Warmer now as we head south.

Whales are breaching about 500m away off the stern. So far when I’ve seen whales breach have just seen a bit of the back, a pectal fin and the tail.

You can imagine my delight then, when a whale comes flying out of the water in a vertical trajectory head first, like a Polaris missile, before smashing itself down onto the water.

Wow.

A full on breach.

Absolutely awesome sight.

My one regret is that in one hand is muesli and in the other, a coffee. With no time to grab my camera from pocket, commit the image to my memory rather than a memory card. Staggeringly beautiful thing to see and experience. So very lucky.

Approach Ketchikan and surprised by how many cruise ships are in port. There are four already, we’re the fifth and another turns up a couple of hours later. Six cruise ships, approximately 13,000 passengers. The mammoth Norwegian Bliss carries 4,000 passengers! It dwarfs the other 2,000 passenger cruise ships in port: Westerdam, Oosterdam, Celebrity Eclipse, Seven Seas Mariner, and the Coral Princess. These cruise ships never fail to impress with their size.

As you may recall from the previous blog entry for Ketchikan. There’s a lot of Indian (as in curry not indigenous) jewellery shops in town. Each offering free charms to entice you in. Coupled with the cruise ship giving everyone vouchers for free charms, spend a charming few minutes collecting charms from various stores. Nieces are going to be inundated with charms. Wonder if I can get away with telling them that no expense was spared in buying jewellery for them? From their favourite Uncle.

For the first time, weather is warm enough to walk around in shirt sleeves and…wait for it…sit out on my veranda. At last.

Saw some hovercrafts as we entered port. Not been on a hovercraft before. Now is the time. Short hour and a half tour of the surrounding islands hovering about. Much quieter than expected and a lot smoother. The air cushion acts as a very good damper as it zips across the waves and wake of larger boats. Speeding along at about 27knots doesn’t feel fast when you look forward and it’s only when you look sideways that you get a sensation of speed.

Pull up in a cove and the crew start chucking frozen herring into the sea. Eagles soon start swooping in close to the hovercraft. Amazing sight being so close as they pluck the herring out of the sea. Sadly see no whales.

Back in Ketchikan, quick waltz around town and the infamous Creek Street. A row of shops and houses built on stilts over the local creek. One of the houses used to be a well known brothel during the gold rush era.

Dinner at my usual table by the window at the stern. Taurean charm had secured this table for the whole week on day one. Best table in the restaurant. On the adjoining table, a couple are celebrating their anniversary. Bloke has ordered a nice bottle of red wine. He goes through the motions of smelling and tasting it before accepting it. As if he knows what he’s talking about.

Woman then asks for a Diet Coke with a load of ice in the glass. It comes in the can, yet unpoured. She tells waiter to leave it as she’ll pour it herself. Assume she wants a refreshing drink before she drinks her wine.

But no.

She pours a good old glug of Diet Coke into her glass of nice, good quality, red wine. Takes a sip. Smacks her lips. Goes. “Aah, that’s better!”

Oiks.

You’ll have to look at the photos below to see tonight’s towel art.

Once again.

Makes me laugh.