Tuesday, 14 May 2019

Ketchikan, Alaska, USA

Wake up in Alaska.

At last.

After all these months of travelling am nearing the final destination.

Boo. Don’t want it to end.

Another scrum at the breakfast buffet and have to queue nearly half an hour to get an omelette, though surprisingly find a vacant table straight away.

Short queue to disembark. Everyone has to have their keycard scanned which is checked against the photograph of you they took at check in. One bloke on a mobility scooter has forgotten his card and so needs to go back to room to retrieve it. Without even a cursory glance backwards, he reverses scooter straight back without any warning and runs into people waiting in line. The trouble with some of these scooter people is that they think they have a God given right to mow people down.

Well, dear reader, after months of hot and sunny weather. Guess what. It’s bloody freezing in Ketchikan this morning.

Very cold.

Very wet.

Very grey.

Welcome to Alaska.

Having shipped all my winter gear back home when in Buenos Aires, have no warm clothing. Am in need of warm clothing now though.

In the limited time before the shore excursion starts, nip into a number of shops in search of a woolly hat and woolly scarf. Surprisingly, there aren’t many shops selling scarves. Woolly hats, yes. No problem. Scarf no. The next best thing is, as an assistant recommends, a pashmina. But that’s for a girl, I exclaim. No, no, men wear them too. I am assured. In the hope of a sale, no doubt. So. A pashmina it is. Purely out of desperation you understand. Not wanting an effeminate pink or purple, opt for the, oh, so manly black. If any of you girls reading this would like a black pashmina upon my return, you can have it. I’ve worn the same old scarf since I was a teenager. Wish I’d kept it with me now.

Step out of the shop looking, oh, so metrosexual. Very…chic, I am, with my pashmina wrapped around my neck.

Look like I’m a friend of Dorothy. If you get my drift.

Walk past a lot of jewellery shops to get back to the ship. Each is offering a free gift if you just walk in, with the hope that they can flog you some jewellery. All the shops are owned by Indians (as in curry, rather than indigenous First Nation), and I have no hesitation in collecting a freebie. They’ll do as gifts for nieces. Lucky girls.

Off I trot. Pop into each jewellery shop, given a free gift, thank you very much and walk out. Soon amass a small collection.

Half hour bus journey to the George Inlet Lodge where the excursion starts. Driver is quite entertaining and regales us with local folklore stories, usually involving a raven or a bear. Pass the cemetery and the road sign now says ‘No through route’. Used to be ‘Dead End’.

Once at the Lodge, board a float boat for a pootle around the fjord. Low cloud prevents decent views but we are able to get close to a cliff face as it continues 350ft further down into the water. The fjord is 1,400ft deep in the middle. Seeing some bald eagles, the lad throws a dead fish into the water. After a minute or so the eagles have spotted it. One swoops down to grab it close to where the boat is. Awesome sight as they come diving in (see photos below). Amazing eyesight to be able to see a small fish from about 200m away.

Stop at a buoy and haul up a crab cage from 65ft. This is the local delicacy. Dungeness Crab. Explained that they only eat males, so the females can continue to reproduce. The male’s abdomen is long and thin, like the Washington Monument, whilst the female’s is round and squat, like the Capitol Building.

Sail past the old salmon cannery building. Now derelict, it used to be a hive of activity until it closed in 1958. They developed a salmon catching contraption, which negated the need to buy the salmon from fishing vessels. All the original machinery still works and they’re in the process of repairing the machinery and opening a museum.

Lunch is included in this particular excursion. All you can eat crab. Yep. Lots of small dining rooms full of cruise ship tourists gorging on crab. Feeding time at the zoo. Herded into a small room, given a demonstration on how to extract the meat from the legs. Brash, loud mouthed, young girl who is giving the demonstration asks for a volunteer and looks at me. I am the chosen one. She asks if I’ve ever been fed fresh crab by a young lady before. That would be telling. Having extracted some nice fresh meat from the leg, she feeds the meat into my mouth. It’s delicious. Yum. She asks how is it, expecting a gushing comment like ‘delicious’. Instead. Dear reader. I respond in a typical British way. And say, “Rubbish!”. The whole tour group roars with laughter. Her little face drops. She thinks I’m being serious. She doesn’t get the holiday camp humour. As I walk back to sit down, an Australian woman grabs my arm and says, “That was funny, it’s the sort of thing an Australian would say!”

The crab is served in halves. The competition is to stack the waste shell as high as you can. Tuck in. Oh. My. God. It is, quite simply, the best crab I have ever eaten. I’m sallyvating just thinking about it as I type. It’s the sweetest, most succulent, juiciest, tastiest, freshest crab. The trouble is that every time I now eat crab elsewhere, it will be rubbish compared to this. Absolutely delicious. Two more halves of crab are served. Wow. Memorable crab that. The winners of the ‘stack the shells as high as you can’ competition have the privilege of doing the crab dance. Shown by a bonny girl how to do it. Glad we lost that particular competition.

The building for lunch, the George Inlet Lodge, was originally located 90 miles down river but in the 1970s, it was floated up river and positioned in its current location. The photo below shows the building being towed.

Back to the ship with a different driver. He starts telling us local folklore stories. The same ones we were told this morning. He’s soon told we’ve heard that one. So he starts another story. Soon told we’ve heard that one too. Tries a third time. Ditto. Fourth time. Ditto. After four attempts, drive back in silence.

An old friend emails to say that she and sister have found webcams along my route and that I should try and stand in a certain spot on board so she can see me. Sadly, it’s a restricted area and can’t access. Reminds me of the time, parents were on a cruise with some friends in Gerainger Fjord, Norway. Told them to stand in a certain spot and wave so I could see them on the live webcam. For a bit of fun. There they are waving when I see other people on the webcam come up to them. Like a silent movie, they point to the webcam and they can only be explaining what they’re doing. Soon, a larger crowd gathers of elderly folk tapping away on their phones and waving, obviously telling friends and family to look at this webcam.

It’s the magician tonight for evening entertainment. He’s funnier than the comedian last night. Cast your mind back to yesterday’s blog. Remember the whiny kid that’s not the full shilling. He’s special. Special needs. Well, dear reader. He’s sitting on the front row. At one point he stands up, puts his arm in the air and heckles the magician. Magician fobs him off with a funny remark. Kid sits down.

Much later on in the show. Magician asks for volunteers that are needed to catch a small pink ball. Whiny kid immediately stands up saying, “Me, me, me.” Magician sees an opportunity for payback. Throws pink ball to whiny kid. Tells him to go back a bit. A bit further up the aisle. No. A bit further. That’s it. Now across the back of the stalls. Keep going. Now go back a bit up that aisle. Bit further. That’s it. Keep going. You see those double doors? (the exit doors). Well go through them.

It brings the house down. So funny.

Whiny kid is told to come nearer the stage. He stands about 5m from the stage in the stalls aisle. Magician has now donned a blue Velcro suit. Whiny kid is to throw his pink ball at Velcro suit so it sticks on the magician. Whiny kid throws ball as hard as he can. It goes way off course and ends up in the wings. Cue laughter. Whiny kid told to come closer. Second throw. It too goes wide of the mark. Cue laughter. You could hardly miss from where whiny kid is standing. Told to come closer. Third throw. Magician is standing on stage like a big blue starfish. You can’t miss him. Whiny kid throws ball. The pink ball hits the magician’s crotch. It brings the house down. So funny. Magician is standing in a big blue Velcro suit with a small pink ball in his crotch. It’s with such perfect positioning that you wonder if that was a lucky shot or there’s some deliberate trickery. Especially as the second person to throw a pink ball lands it on his right nipple and the third person lands it on his left nipple. The ‘trick’ being that he then produces a figure of himself, done earlier before the show, with pink dots in exactly the same position they are now.

Very funny.