On the same bus as octogenarian Canadian tour leader. We’d been on the same bus all day yesterday in Kruger. I’d been a charming young man. Can do charming when I want. She’d greeted me with the news we’re on the same bus again today with, “Ah…..my boyfriend.”. Oh. Crap.
Greeted at Sudwala caves by the Flintstones. Or at least their African non copywright infringing counterparts. Flintstone cousins. But the resemblance is uncanny.
Canadians congregate in the cave. Troglodyte like. Waiting for cave guide to start. There’s a kerfuffle. It’s dark. Inside a cave. Canadians request one torch per couple. Yep.
You read that right. A torch. It’s dark. They’ve just stepped in from blinding sunshine. And can’t see. Everyone who isn’t Canadian starts grumbling about what a stupid request it is. It’s not dark at all. Eyes just need to adjust. Cave is beautifully lit. Atmospheric.
Cave guide is sent to find torches. About 30 required if it’s one per couple. He returns. There’s only one spare. It’s given to the elderly Canadian tour leader. Who promptly switches it on. And like a child with a new toy marvels at its powers and swings the beam around everyone. Smiling in wonderment at her new present. Killing our night vision. Everyone who isn’t Canadian shouts at her to turn it off. Explain to her to switch it off as it will kill her NIGHT vision if she has a torch on. She repeats this to her friends, “He says to switch it off or it’ll kill my LIGHT vision.”. Can’t even be bothered to correct her. Everyone is seriously wound up with this lot today.
Caves not the best I’ve been in and nowhere near as good as Jeita caves in Lebanon. Have a high benchmark for caves now. Steepish climb up slippery floor to see various rock formations. And a colony of bats. Elderly Canadian lady grabs onto me to stop herself slipping on the way down the slope. And asks, “Do you work out?”. No. “You’ve got some very big muscles.” I’ve pulled!
Lunch in the local mall. Can either stay the duration or visit the Botanical Gardens. Well. Dear reader. Just so you know. The sacrifices I make on your behalf. Miss out on the Botanical Gardens just so I can catch up on blog. It’s a glorious three hours being on my own without having to listen to constant Canadian chatter. Solitude. Quite refreshing.
Meet up with the others mid afternoon. It’s very clear to all but the clinically insane what the options were today. It’s EITHER Kruger OR Nelspruit OR Private Game Reserve. NOT AND. AND. AND. French Canadian is whining. He’s the grown up version of the Boy Scout in Disney’s cartoon film “Up”. Always sporting a rucksack. He’s not happy. Having spent an afternoon and morning at a Game Reserve he thinks he was going to do a full day tour of Kruger. Fed up of this stupidity tell him it’s quite clear that it’s an EITHER/OR excursion. Not BOTH. He huffs and puffs.
Nearly 2hrs drive to Komatipoort. On the South African/Mozambique border. Definitely a bit grotty here. Station is secured with barbed wire fencing and security gates. Assume because it’s the border.
Usual scrum for first sitting. One young lady is returning fom the dining car with a cup of tea to go to her cabin. At the same time the nod is given that dinner is ready. Suddenly she finds herself going against the flow of vultures. Who couldn’t give a toss that she’s going in the opposite direction with a hot mug of tea and rush past her. Had enough of this routine. Shout and stop the flow to allow her free passage through the scrum. No more Mr Nice Guy.
South African border formailities late evening. Two young girls in uniform enter dining car during dinner. They take photos of each other in the carriage. Which immediately arouses suspicions amongst the old and infirm that they’re doing sinister secret surveillance. They’re not. They’re just two young black girls taking photos to show their mates what the Shongololo Express is like.
Weather forecast according to my phone suggests it’ll be cold and wet tomorrow in Maputo. No one believes me. They all think I’m winding them up. Me? It’s a chill out day on the beach sunbathing by the Indian Ocean tomorrow.
Ho. Ho. Ho.
