NK 6. Fly me to the Un…

Thursday, 13 April 2017

Pyongyang, North Korea

You can imagine my excitement at the thought of being in North Korea tonight as I wake up in Beijing.

Instructions are to check in at 1030hrs for a 1400hrs flight into Pyongyang on Air Koryo (I’d never heard of them either). For an afternoon tour and welcome dinner.

Yep.

That’s the plan.

Ho. Ho. Ho.

Arrive at check in to discover a queue of Nepalese with big boxes. Stand in line. Queuing. Patiently.

Until I discover I’m in the wrong queue. This is the big box queue. Not the small luggage queue.

Queue at adjacent small luggage counter.

Until.

An airline worker starts the process of opening up another counter. Herd mentality and everyone soon migrates from the small luggage queue to the new counter queue. You know how it is.

Now 1100hrs and still check in not opened.

1130hrs check in opens. Yay. Here we go.

However.

A couple on the tour in front are told to come back at 1200hrs.

Present myself for checking in.

Told the same thing. Come back at 1200hrs.

Appears that we have all been put on the later flight at 1500hrs rather than the booked 1400hrs.

So.

Turn up again at 1200hrs to be told they’re not ready. Come back at 1230hrs and soon congregate with my fellow travellers on the same tour. We become a group check in rather than individually checking in. Not something I want.

Touring Taurean’s Top Travel Tip: never do a group check in as that means all the baggage tickets are all on one name and thus one insurance policy which will be limited to that person’s insurance.

Board the Air Koryo Tuplov TU-204 aircraft. So bad that the EU has banned them flying into the EU. Delighted to discover extra leg room seat is in fact a full Business Class seat. Surrounded by a group of Italians who it turns out are the Italian Government Minister of Trade and his delegation seeking to do business with the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (DPRK).

Having boarded at 1500hrs then sit on the tarmac for two and a half sodding hours. Nightmare. Eventually push back at 1730hrs but by the time we’ve queued and taxied it’s actually 1830hrs by the time we take off from Beijing for the one and a half hour flight to Pyongyang.

Inflight food is served. The legendary Air Koryo burger. My mantra is ‘if it looks dodgy, it usually is’. Elderly Italian next to me, part of the delegation, looks at it at and tells me, ‘My mother always told me to eat what was put in front of me but this might be an exception!’. Quite.

Land Pyongyang at long last at 2000hrs. The Italian delegation are first off with their film crew and I attempt to tag along but fail miserably and soon stopped by an official as they’re diverted off the air bridge to the VIP Arrivals.

But.

I am the first to get through passport control which takes all of a few seconds surprisingly.

Now entering the DPRK.

Have heard the horror stories of both getting into the country and then out again. Have wiped my computer hard disk of all documents. Mobile phone has been wiped of all photos and videos, Email, Facebook, Twitter and Instagram apps deleted also. It’s now a sterile phone in terms of data. Kindle has been checked to ensure no banned publications. Guide books and bibles not allowed.

Am expecting dour faced men and women in uniform with no tolerance barking instructions. Soviet Union like.

So.

You can imagine my surprise and delight when the first customs officer I meet greets me with a ‘dab’ (old people you will have to Google what a ‘dab’ is but essentially it’s a dance move in which a person drops their head into the bent crook of an upwardly angled arm whilst raising the opposite arm out straight) and a generous smile.

Bloody hell. Was not expecting that!

They’re all smiles and very friendly. Bags arrive 10 minutes after landing in this brand new and shiny airport. This is good. This is better than expected.

Very good first impressions.

My bag is one of the first on the carousel which is retrieved but then it has to go through a security check and X-ray before being released. Not the usual cursory X-ray inspection.

No.

First question: do you have a mobile phone. Yes. Was expecting that anyway. Hand it to them thinking it’s going to be examined and electronically interrogated. But no. It’s simply taken, something is written in a register and it’s given back to me without it even being required to be unlocked.

Luggage is not even bothered with and remains untouched.

Have declared on the customs form the following: DSLR camera, compact camera, mobile phone, laptop, Kindle and two printed magazines.

Expecting the full interrogation of my electronic goods. Given the possibilities of smuggling prohibited publications and videos. But no. They’re not even bothered about the electronics.

What is of greater interest is the two printed publications. Wanderlust travel and Astronomy Now magazines. The height of subversion I’m sure you’ll agree.

They’re taken off me and have to follow the customs officer to meet the Supervisor. Supervisor simply flicks through them and satisfied that they are not subversive material hands them back.

All in all the whole customs experience lasts less than five minutes. Not as bad as I had been expecting given the scare stories I’d been reading about online.

However.

I can’t now leave the security area. Why. You may ask. I don’t have the luggage receipt. Flipping ‘eck. Someone else in our group has all the luggage receipts on her boarding pass. And she’s still queuing for security.

Try and motion to customs officer the situation who soon realises and am allowed back through X-ray to retrieve them. Having landed at 2000hrs find myself in the terminal building hot to trot at 2020hrs. Pretty quick process. And would be great if I was travelling independently and could just jump in a taxi and clear off for much needed food and a beer.

But. I’m not. Now have to wait for the rest of the group to process through security.

Nightmare.

Having only eaten a small sandwich all day I’m getting grumpy through hunger.

You’ll never guess how long it takes, dear reader, to wait for the rest of the group. An hour and a sodding half, dear reader. 2200hrs by the time we leave the airport.

All in need of food and it’s a 40 minute drive to Pyongyang and a restaurant which has seemingly just opened up for us as there are no other punters.

All are knackered and jetlagged. All are hungry. All making polite conversation getting to know each other. All hesitating to eat some questionable food stuff on the table. Group decision to leave it alone. One thought is that it’s not food but a table decoration. And that’s all you need know to guess how questionable it was.

Finally arrive at the Yanggakdo Hotel (www.north-korea-travel.com/yanggakdo-hotel.html) just before midnight.

A long day.

It’s gone midnight and completely knackered but cannot sleep for love nor money. The room is near the lifts and they’re reverberating through the structure making a whooshing noise as they go up and down and vibrating the walls.

It’s also very windy up on the 29^th floor and the wind is blowing harmonics through gaps in the window frame. This is solved at 0130hrs by ramming a bottle opener under a double glazing unit to shove it up into the casing which reduces some noise.

I. Am. Shattered. Dear. Reader.

One of my fellow travellers is a lady of about my age. She’s single. She’s in the room next to mine. Our two rooms are accessed by a small connecting lobby (of broom cupboard proportions) which is in itself off the main hotel corridor.

Pay attention to that last paragraph, dear reader. Pay attention. And remember.