NWP 5. Wile E Coyote

17 & 18-Aug-24 Vancouver

Amazing clear and sunny sky as I pull back the curtains. The clear sunlit view from my room of the harbour and Grouse Mountain is something I’ve been looking forward to seeing again since I last came here in June 2019 on my Antarctica to Alaska trip. Something to feed on over the dull grey English winter months.

This part of the trip isn’t really a holiday as I have some business commitments to contend with over the next few days as a deadline looms large on Monday. However. It’s a glorious blue sky day and after a morning’s work I’m in need of a walk.

Just a short walk along the sea wall to the marina and back to stretch legs and get some Vitamin D from the sun.

Just a quick half hour.

Five miles and four hours later in 27C heat I make it back.

Sunburnt.

Dehydrated.

Having got to the marina, realise it’s only a short walk across the Stanley Park peninsula to English Bay. And then I remembered there was a nice ice cream place a bit further up. Which is a lot further along than I recalled. Standing out somewhat as I’m wearing walking boots and fully clothed as I walk along. Compared to all the bikini clad and trunk wearing sunning themselves on the crowded beach. But they’re not going to the polar region are they. Bet they haven’t packed arctic gear in their bags for their summer holidays. No. But I have. Beach holidays would kill me.

Ferry from Hornby Street pontoon to Granville Island. Change. Ferry to Plaza of Nations. By ferry I mean a small floating thing you could play with in your bath. It’s that small. Another walk through the back streets passing many drug addled homeless. Jeez. Vancouver has gone downhill.

The following morning discover Holland America’s Noordam docked below my window. Regular readers of the Antarctica to Alaska blog (elsewhere on this website) may remember that this was, by necessity, my first ever cruise ship. What was anticipated to be my idea of hell turned out to be brilliant. It brings back very happy memories.

Unlike yesterday, the weather is dreadful. Grey. Low cloud. Rain. Never been in Vancouver when it’s been miserable. Vancouver has always been a sunny place when I’ve been. This won’t do at all. Fortunately work commitments keep me inside until it clears at lunchtime.

In need of a haircut before I board ship for nearly a month. Ask for a Grade 4 all over. Checking this time the length of a Grade 4 in Canada is the same as in the UK. Lessons have been learnt, dear reader. Last summer in Berlin asked for a Grade 4 in some Turkish barbers shop. Normally it’s about 15mm long. This was…1mm. Yes. You read that right. One millimetre. I looked like a skinhead. Miss Braunschweig collapsed in laughter when she saw it. It was that bad. So now ensure a Grade 4 is what I know Grade 4 to be.

Barber is the quiet type. Which is good. Can’t be doing with inane chit chat having haircut.

“Are you on your lunch break?”

“Going anywhere nice for your holiday?”

“Had a good weekend?”

And then. He peers rather too closely at my face full on.

And says, “Hmmm…sideburn is 1mm too high.”

Now when he refers to my sideburns, it makes me sound like Amos Brearly (licensee and proprietor of the Woolpack Inn, in Emmerdale Farm – a British TV soap). But those who know me will be laughing. I couldn’t be more different to Amos Brearly with my boyish good looks (ahem), fresh face and fair complexion. They’re still laughing.

Haircut. Tick.

Now lunch.

Sushi it is.

Excellent Japanese restaurant called Avo House at the end of Robson Street.

Young Japanese girl asks what I would like.

Could I have a Coca-Cola please.

Cucumber Roll?

No, no, a Coca-Cola please.

Cucumber Roll?

No, no. Slowly this time. A Coca-Cola.

Cucumber Roll?

Oh FFS.

C-O-K-E.

Aaaaah. Coca-Cola.

That’s what I said.

Excellent Dinosaur Rolls. Tuna, crab and avocado. No. Me neither. No idea why they’re called Dinosaur Rolls.

Now the cloud is lifting, continue on a walk to Stanley Park and walk along the sea wall to the Totem Poles. Passing the Nine o’Clock Gun. Ah so that’s what it was. Thought a bomb had gone off last night. Window in room flexed with a loud explosion. Peering out couldn’t see anything burning.

But it was the Nine O’Clock Gun. Fired at…nine o’clock every night. For nearly a century.

Originally so mariners could set their chronometers.

Cast in Woolwich, England, in 1816, it was brought to Vancouver in about 1894. And now points directly at my hotel across the water.

Around the corner in Stanley Park is the Totem Pole Park. A collection dating back to the 1880s. Totem poles are unique to the north west coast of British Columbia and lower Alaska. Carved from western red cedar, each carving tells of a real or mythical event. Eagle represents the kingdom of the air. Whale the lordship of the sea. Wolf, the genius of the land, and the frog, the transitional link between land and sea. The stuff you learn on this blog.

A footpath leads through Stanley Park back to where I want to exit. Rather than following the sea wall it’s through surprisingly dense forest. A sign at the start of path says…Beware of the Coyotes.

What?!?

Further advice is to ‘Be Big, Brave and Loud.’

Hmmm.

Can do Big and Loud. No problem whatsoever.

Not sure about the brave bit as a coyote tries to gobble me up.

It goes on to say.

‘Stand tall with arms overhead.’

‘Yell “Go away coyote”’

‘Stand your ground and never run.’

So. Couple of points there.

Didn’t know coyotes could understand English.

I’ll be more ‘Roadrunner’ than standing my ground.