0430hrs. Alarm call. Not a great start to the day. Have to sit next to obnoxious Swiss woman. The one that smoked. Not a great start to the day.
Another game drive. In Kruger National Park. After the disappointment of Selous, Chaminuka and Hwange not looking forward to this. It’ll be another day of driving around aimlessly hoping for the best. Can pay an extra USD95 to sit in a cramped open top safari jeep. Or for free in the air-conditioned mini-bus. AC and space sounds good to me.
Like the other game parks you can’t drive off road. Unlike the other parks you can drive your own car in. Think Woburn Safari Park.
On a bigger scale. Kruger has a mix of metalled roads and dirt tracks. Lady Luck is shining down. See four of the Big Five in the first couple of hours. High hit rate today. It’s looking good. Find a pride of lions. It’s like a car park. Apart from the safari jeeps there are standard cars full of families on a day out. All patiently waiting their turn. Until the safari jeep full of Swiss barges in and blocks everyone out for 10-15mins. Including our bus. Canadians not liking this one bit.
Cross a bridge over the river. It’s like a car park. Dead hippo wedged between two rocks. Blood seeping from its mass. Crocodiles holding close to. Waiting for a feed.
Having entered by Malalane Gate it’s a circuit to Crocodile Ridge then Skikuza for lunch before returning.
Canadian asks anyone in the bus if they have a plastic bag.
Stupidly. And I know I should know better. Ask what for. “Someone may need the bathroom.”. It’s Miss Daisy. Oh great. If it’s not someone throwing up on me in a helicopter it’ll be in a mini-bus. Don’t do sick. Not wanting to be gobbled up by lions we can’t stop in the bush. Obviously. Speed limits are broken. To reach the nearest toilets. It’s a tense 15mins. Miss Daisy returns and delights in telling us, “Oooh….that’s better.” patting her tummy. Too much information.
Surprised by the quality of animals that can be seen from the road. Elephant. Giraffe. Zebra. Lion. Wildebeest. White rhino. Buffalo. Crocodile. Hippo. And a spotted hyeena trotting up the middle of the road. Highlight though is a hippo that crosses the road in front of us.
Canadians dropping like flies in the heat. 40C to be precise. Having paid large sums to sit in a jeep they’re finding it too hot.
A couple jump in our bus. For the AC. Continue through the park. All morning we’ve been using “Elephants at 10 o’clock……..croc at 2 o’clock…….giraffe at 4 o’clock……” and continue like that after lunch. You’d have to be pretty thick to not understand what is meant. Canadian woman who has just joined our bus to get out of the heat is highly irritated by this and grumpily remarks, “I don’t understand 3 o’clock. Why can’t you just say left or right!?!?”. Harumph.
There’s a lot of stupidity we have to put up with.
Talking of which.
One of the guides has told some Canadian women that female zebras are white with black stripes. And male zebras are black with white stripes. They believe him.
Clearly too hot even for animals and see nothing after lunch. At least this morning was productive.
Meet up with the 4 younger (note how I write younger rather than young) Canadian ladies (are you reading this ladies?) as we exit the park. They’ve had to tolerate a lot of moaning by their fellow citizens today. Little Miss Chatterbox hasn’t stopped talking all day.
Return to train but make a quick stop for fuel, snacks and cash etc. One of the old women is on the verge of bursting into tears. Miss Daisy asks if I can help her. She’s put her credit card in the ATM. But it’s been gobbled up. Highly stressed. Push a few buttons to see if it’s returned. It’s not. Instruct Miss Daisy to fetch the manager whilst I stand guard by the ATM with old woman. Manager arrives and explain card has been gobbled up. Not a problem. He can access the reader from backshop. It’s withdrawn from the slot and so I can now see him through the slot. Fiddling with the reader. He can’t find a card. Shine a torch into the slot to see if it’s dropped somewhere.
So there we are. For about 10mins. Trying to find this card for her. Until. After 10mins I hasten to add. Woman pipes up, “I did give my card to a black man who offered to help me.”.
WHAT?!?!?
In the words of Rene from ‘Allo ‘Allo. You stupid woman. Immediately apparent what’s happened. He’s palmed it whilst pretending to insert it in the slot and watched her enter her PIN.
Silly.
Stupid.
Woman.
She’s in floods of tears now she’s realised how stupid she’s been. Today’s winner of the Darwin Award for Evolution. Who on earth would give a stranger a credit card at an ATM?!? On the train an hour later she’s on the phone to her bank. He’s already withdrawn ZAR1,700 (~GBP110).
