Crossed the border from Mozambique into Swaziland during yesterday evening. Only know we’re in Swaziland due to a change in mobile phone network provider. Arrive at Mpaka station in central Swaziland. Carriage next to a bright sodium light which floods cabin with an eery orange glow. Reminds me of that scene out of “One Foot in the Grave” where Victor Meldrew’s bedroom is bathed in orange light….only to find a street light has crashed through his window.
Showing signs of the early onset of Alzheimer’s. Did I take my Malarone anti-malarial tablet this morning? Popped one out of the packet. Remembder doing that. Can’t remember taking it though. What day is it?? Where am I??
Station is a secure compound which can’t be exited until you’ve gone through border formalities.
Which is a bit of a nonsense. Swaziland immigration don’t even look at passport ID page. Simply stamp a page.
It’s the usual scrum for a desired mini-bus seat. It’s a case of: you snooze….you lose. Due to my height all my fellow travellers are very generous in allowing me the one seat that has shed loads of leg room. Taurean charm you see. But. Just to make sure. Australian friend has put a coat on “my” seat to “reserve” it for me along with bags on her seat. She’s now wandered off and the bus door is closed. Arrive at bus to find Canadians congregating by the door. First come. First served. They think they’re first in the queue. Open the bus sliding door. An audible gasp from the Canadians. It’s like a scene from the Goldilocks. Whose been sitting in my seat. They’re surprised at being usurped to a preferred seat. They thought they were first here. Clearly not. You snooze. You lose.
One old lady with a gammy knee was rather hoping to be on “my” seat. She graciously relents when realising we’re both on the same bus. This doesn’t stop her fellow Canadians putting pressure on me, “You’ll move won’t you…..she’s got bad knees”. Quite. She’s already got bad knees. I haven’t. Yet. And don’t want. She tells them it’s OK. She’ll suffer on another seat. Not a jot of guilt have I. Suggest she would be best seated in the front passenger seat adjacent driver. Oh no. Good heavens. Can’t sit there. Oh no. She can’t see the driver driving. She can’t see the road. What a tiz. Good God. And anyway. She has to sit with her friend. Barking. Mad.
The Canadians are now in a tiz about where to sit. My favourite Australian has discreetly jumped in the front seat behind their backs. Whilst they fret.
Deary me.
It’s the crime of the century. Elderly Canadian tour leader starts having a pop,”Oh…that’s not fair….you always sit in the front [for the record it’s only her second time]…..it’s not fair…..you always get the best seat…..why don’t you move….you always sit in the front seat….”……and so it goes on. Canadians versus Australians.
I work in the construction industry. When dealing with the workforce (grown men at that) a common phrase used is “it’s like dealing with kids with beards”. Well today is no exception. It really is like dealing with kids with beards – but old lady beards……
There’s a bit of friction on the bus today. And it’s only 0830hrs. We’ve not even left the station car park. All we need now is Russ Abbott to start singing, “Oh, what an atmosphere.”.
Only a 5 minute drive in silence until the first stop.
Swazi Secrets. Factory producing beauty products abstracted from the Marula tree. Meant to rejuvanate skin and make you look younger. The secret of eternal youth. All the women queue to buy masses of various products. Not sure why. Tell them it really works as I’ve been using it the past 90 years. Some have to think about that.
Chat with one of the younger Canadians. She’s cringing. They’ve had trouble on their bus as well this morning. We’re only a few minutes into the day.
Local market in Manzini has the usual merchandise but also stalls for witch doctors. Various roots and dodgy parts of animals are the key medicines.
Swaziland simply stunning scenery. We are all loving Swaziland. Makes up for the disappointment of Mozambique. Almost Alpine in places with lush green meadows, mountain ranges and pine plantations.
Stop at an outdoor theatre – House on Fire. Wow. Amazing place. Quite Gaudi-esque in decor. Being a theatre lighting designer in my spare time – would love to see a production here. The parcans used for theatre lighting look like they’ve been made out of bean tins rather than commercially bought parcans. Its claim to fame is that former President of the USA, Jimmy Carter, had a widdle in their urinal. A plaque commemeorates the spot. I just have to.
An excellent day travelling through the countryside stopping at various tourist traps like candle factory and glass blowing factory. It’s all a bit upmarket here. Clean. Neat. Tidy. Not like Mozambique. Read that the King of Swaziland has just announced his 15th wife. Good lad.
Friction between the colonies continues. An Australian overhears Canadian say, “There are far too many Australians and New Zealanders on this trip!”
Harumph. It’s a good job the Canadian hasn’t heard what her fellow Canadians, Australians & Kiwis are saying. Being an independent lone Brit hear both sides. Could write a book…….
Wonderful drive through constant stunning scenery. Want to stay longer in Swaziland. Make mental note to return. And then. Elderly Canadian tour leader pipes up. A complaint. She’s sitting on the right side of the bus. There’s no scenery on the right side of the bus. It’s all on my side of the bus. As we drive along a mountainside. Can the guide do anything about it? Now. If it had been me. An elderly Canadian would find herself tumbling down said mountainside.
That’s when everyone starts ripping the whatsit out of her. Everything we now see on the left is exaggerated like there’s no tomorrow. Over there on the LEFT. Look at that on the LEFT.
Another Canadian sees water being sprayed onto felled tree trunks stacked in piles at a sawmill.
It’s patently obvious that it’s to stop a fire starting. She asks why they’re washing it.
Cross border into South Africa at Jeppe’s Reefe. Passport stamped by both Swaziland and South African immigration without even looking at passport. Could easily walk into South Africa bypassing border controls. All a bit lax. Ask Canadian woman if she’s stamped into South Africa yet? No. Not yet. She’s only been stampd into Jeppe’s Reef. ??!?!? Walk off shaking my head in despair.
Discover the train has been delayed at the border in Komatipoort and won’t be at Kaapmuiden by the allotted time. We’re to meet it at Malalene instead at 1800hrs. Hold at Malalene shopping mall awaiting further instructions. Everyone tired and tetchy. It’s now 1715hrs. Shops shutting. Hear it’s been difficult on another bus today with the Canadians. Train eventually arrives about 1845hrs.
First sitting starts at 1815hrs. Usual scrum for first sitting much worse as all know second sitting will be much, much later now due to delays.
A bus arrives. It’s full of the people that didn’t understand the EITHER/OR options from a few days ago. They left Swaziland this morning. To drive 3hrs to Kruger National Park. To do a game drive. Word on the street is that it’s not been a good day for them. They haven’t seen much wildlife. A tad disgruntled. There’s a lot of sniggering amongst us that have had a wonderful day in Swaziland.
Literally bump and bounce along the rails. To the extent bottoms leave seats. Engine driver needs to make up time. Think doing the cakewalk. And trying to sleep.
